written by Niko Mar
It’s quite interesting when you look back at your life and see where you were, who you were, what you aspired to be, and compare it to whatever situation you find your self in the “now”, isn’t it?
Before you move to a different country you have to think hard and be sure that the step you’re taking is the right one for you, and one that you will not regret, at least not in the near future.
And when you finally get there, you have dreams, goals, and states of existence that you are looking to achieve. The process that you follow in order to get there though is one that will shape you and change you, in ways that many of the times you won’t even realize.
When I first moved here I had two goals. Finish my university degree in psychology, and get involved in the music scene. In the five and a half years I’ve been living here, I only managed to achieve the latter. After a year in that university course, there were a few things that happened in my life that eventually led me to drop out of university, get a job, and pursue the Dream; which was of course music.
What I’m trying to say is, that things don’t always go to plan, and there’s a lot of extenuating circumstances that are out of your control, and trust me, they will get in the way. The trick is to not be defeated by them, but learn. Accept the sudden change, and let your self change with it.
When I ended up not being in University any more, I was devastated. My first reaction was to hide away and feel sorry for my self. That, in combination with the thing I mentioned earlier that led me out of my studies actually rendered me hopeless and lost. Again. But didn’t I come here to start new? Find my self again? I kept asking my self that question. Eventually I realized that doing so will never be as easy as I would want it to be, but at the same time I should not let it bring me down.
The good thing about being a music orientated and driven person is that (and pardon my French) when things fuck up, the only place you feel comfortable is when you’re lost in music. And that’s exactly what I did. I got a job as a bar tender in one of the most legendary music venues in Bristol called “The Fleece”, I surrounded my self with artists and musicians, and I was lucky enough to form a band with one of them.
Right now, I’m a supervisor at the same music venue, I’ve met even more interesting artistic people, I’ve toured England with the band I mentioned, played lots and lots of amazing shows, in front of thousands of people a couple of times, in festivals, bars, venues, the lot. I also have started my own music/art project which is currently under development and is probably the one thing I’ve been so passionate and excited about in my whole life.
At the same time, there’s a lot of people that are not part of my life any more. Friends, lovers, co-workers, acquaintances… I’ve left the band I was in, been through depression a couple of times, and badly, and also spend a ton of money in the process.
However, and I think this is the point I’m trying to put across, I don’t really regret any of it.
I’ve learned so much, changed so much and experienced so many things, to the point where if I went back in time and described to my younger self what my life would be like in a few years, I’m pretty sure his reply would have been: “nah mate, that shit only happens in films”.
So, always remember to say “fuck it” and carry on.
Niko out. For now.